* Jerry Seinfeld rocks. Jerry Seinfeld sucks.
* The ad is so cool. The ad is so not cool.
* The dialogue is so clever (“They run tight.”). The dialogue is so dopey (“Guess what, Bill? You’re a 10.”).
* The ad sells nothing. The ad changes everything.
* You just don’t get it. No, you just don’t get it.
The only thing that seems to unite these discordant voices is a common love of churros—those fried dough sticks that Bill and Jerry are carrying as they walk out of the mall. (Mmmm, churros.)
Come to think of it, that would make the deadpan duo’s nearly inscrutable “moist and chewy” conversation make sense: Microsoft is abandoning Vista to open a chain of branded churro franchises.
Now that would make Microsoft’s $10 million bet on Seinfeld look brilliant. (Gawd, that is so lame.) Well, you’re stupid. (No, you’re stupid.)